Choosing Yourself After 40: The Boldest Love Is Self-Love

TrueSelf in Flip-Flops: One woman’s barefoot journey to self-love & salty freedom

For most of our lives, we’re taught to put others first. To be the caregiver, the fixer, the strong one. To make peace, hold it all together, and keep everyone else comfortable.

But somewhere around 40, something shifts. We begin to feel a tug—a quiet inner voice whispering: 

“What about me?”

And that question isn’t selfish. It’s sacred.

Because choosing yourself isn’t about abandoning others. 

It’s about finally remembering you.

The Truth About Midlife

Women in their 40s often describe this time as a “coming home” to themselves. The roles—mother, partner, daughter, boss—start to feel heavy if they no longer align with who we’ve become.

We begin to feel the cost of years spent ignoring our needs:

• Exhaustion

• Resentment

• Anxiety

• Emotional burnout

  
  

But here’s the liberating truth: It’s never too late to choose yourself.

And when you do, you don’t just heal—you expand.

What Choosing Yourself Really Means

Choosing yourself isn’t about dramatic life changes (though it might lead to them). It means something deeper:

• Trusting your intuition, even when it goes against the grain

• Setting boundaries, even if it disappoints others

• Making space for joy, even if it feels “unproductive”

• Releasing guilt for resting, receiving, or just being

  
  

It means declaring: “I matter. My needs matter. My dreams matter.”

Self-Love as a Radical Act

In my book, Love Yourself Through Forgiveness, I speak about returning to love through letting go. And that’s the heart of self-love: It’s not about fixing yourself—it’s about forgiving yourself.

It’s choosing to:

• Release shame from past choices

• Speak kindly to your body and your soul

• Stop measuring your worth by productivity or perfection

  
  

One of the most powerful tools in this journey? Ho’oponopono.

When you repeat: “I’m sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. I love you,” you’re not just healing old wounds. You’re re-parenting yourself. You’re declaring: “I am enough. I am whole. I choose me.”

A Simple Practice to Begin Today

Each morning, look in the mirror. Pause. Breathe. And say:

“Today, I choose myself with love. I forgive the parts that are tired or afraid. I honour the woman I am becoming.”

Repeat the Ho’oponopono prayer. Let it soak in.

Let this be your new baseline—not burnout, not overgiving, but bold, rooted,

radiant self-love.

Closing Reflection

You’ve spent years giving to others. Now is the time to give to the one who’s been waiting quietly inside:

You.

Because the boldest act of love you’ll ever make… is choosing yourself.

💫 With love (and salty toes), 

Ada Adrianna